currently listening to: "california one/youth and beauty brigade" - the decemberists
i am now up to date with the most important worldly news. today i read a magazine from the very front cover to the back. i can't remember the last time i actually read a magazine all the way through like that. i also can't remember the last time i had this much time, either. at least now i'm out for summer vacation, i can catch up with what britney and k-fed are up to and what new thing that kanye west has said to further inflate his ego. it's good to know, you know.
i've been wanting to write in here for a while, but every time i try, nothing comes out. well no, that's sort of a lie. things do come out but they aren't things worth sharing. life this past may has been a series of unfortunate events. i'm not making some sort of reference to the book/movie but because it's the only fitting way to describe how things have been. i'm out for summer vacation and i will continue to be until august 24th. that's quite a long time, and yet it doesn't feel a thing like i'm on any vacation. it feels more like i'm stuck in this awkward limbo state where there's bound to be some wave of work where i'll find myself slaving hours over for to meet some crucial deadline. but that isn't the case. the deadlines are dead and they've all been met. there isn't anymore work to be done. it's hard to slink into the routine of not having to panic or stress over little details and have anxiety issues everyday because you're worried that maybe something will go wrong, and most likely, something will.
i've been trying to do things slowly. i'm trying to walk slower, trying to take in things around me because i was so busy before and i couldn't do that before. i'm trying to notice the things around me, and i'm trying to spread my activities out so that time doesn't feel like such a big gap to fill. i'm just trying to stop to smell the flowers, which is quite frankly saying a lot, considering that my mom's an obsessive gardener with a backyard like a greenhouse without the house, and an orchard without the fields of fruit trees.
but i'm still holding in my breath, waiting for the shit to hit the fan. on monday i submitted my portfolio. i stacked it among the other black dura-tote portfolio cases and stood back to stare at the large pile before me. my professor gathered our kiosks and boxes together and placed them neatly and carefully into large cardboard boxes. i watched him do this and then i left the classroom. as i walked to the parking garage, i couldn't help but to think, that's it? i mean i didn't expect a party, but maybe a little "woohoo" or having some confetti thrown around would have made me feel more relieved. it's like i've been working my ass of for the past year for this very moment: to submit my portfolio. the least they could do was throw some confetti, and maybe have a pinata. fiesta? um, something kitschy maybe.. or not. but i guess there can't be any celebrating yet, at least not til the review is completley over. all i can do now is wait for the next two weeks to see the results of the portfolio review. only 26 get in, now i'll get to see if turning into an insane perfectionist will pull through for me.
as of recently, i have become someone who flies from state to state, city to city, like i'm a very important business woman with very important business-y things to attend. likewise, these are my tentative summer plans:
june 29 - july 5: san diego with sameeran
july 8 - 13: icograda international design week conference in seattle
and hopefully i'll have a nice little design job by the time i come back for seattle so i can be working until school starts.
